( he's going to go to the ethics room, and he'll walk inside while shutting the door behind him — it's quiet, he thinks, too quiet, and yet... he walks into the center of the room: 2-d. he knows where the equipment is, but he doesn't make a move to go check — )
...Akehoshi-kun is no good solving riddles alone, the tree is next.
( he says aloud, like he knows someone inside will answer. )
You took me out of a game where it revolves around hope... that isn't very kind... I wanted to see their hope, too.
( he sighs, a little saddened by the thought. his eyes remain on the floor, not even thinking to look in josh's direction before he turns around to grab the button maker like requested. )
That persona left traces of you, or well, you did that on purpose.
( he's looking over the few pins that shin has already made, and they appear to be in alright quality. he holds it up into the light, looking it over with a smile before setting it down on the table. )
...It's not like you did the murders, but you did take part in some way... did you have fun?
I was thinking about going to the roof. We could watch them in some respect from there too, can't we? [he's already assuming the other is going to go with him.] I won't make you come with me...but you could be there for the end, to see if they can find us without your help.
[yeah, the hints were meant to be obvious...at least, for the people who knew him the best. not that many actually did here -- or anywhere, which is also doubly frustrating for other people involved.
he shrugs, smirking a little bit as he puts his hands in his pockets.]
I was looking to alleviate some boredom, and make things more like home. But as you already know, I don't have the people or abilities for that...yet.
[he's almost giddy with excitement because one of his powers has resurfaced this month.]
( he hums thoughtfully, thinking about if he wants to join or not because while everyone is out there running around, engaging in learning who the murderer is — he's in here. well, if yesterday's little scuffle wasn't enough to leave clues, then he doesn't know what will. he scratches his chest a bit, a small flight from a cut that hasn't fully healed yet, and he turns around to look at the other. )
Have you found your Conductor and Reapers from this game? That's what this was about at the very start, right?
( something like back home, from what he recalls, it was about... that? finding people to work under him, and there was also the talk about hope.
he leans against the desk he's close to, hands behind his back as they press against the edge of it. )
Did you find it hopeful?
( he knows that joshua only asks questions, so normally it's best to ask some back for his thoughts on the matter. )
I already knew who I wanted as my Conductor, if they'd take the position. But I know they have fun examining the clues, too. [as for the rest...] I have some in mind who could be my Reapers, but I'm afraid there are a lot of people here who have a terribly good conscience.
[but that doesn't really deter him that much. finding people who would make good Reapers is difficult, even at home.
hmmmm...]
In a way. I think some things could be said about their attitudes towards these sorts of things...but I can't complain too much, because they're moving right along.
Ah, I see. A Conductor is meant to give the clues, and watch the others figure it out by their own means.
( not being able to take part, but also not having the ability to help those who struggle — giving all the answers isn't fun, but watching them run around like headless chickens is even worse. fortunately, everyone seems to be taking part perfectly from what he sees, and he even checks his pda to see how it's fairing before sliding it back into his pocket. )
Dito-kun's your hound, isn't he? ( he takes from the book. ) He's hard to handle, though.
( which would make for a pretty good reaper, right? he lacks a good conscious, but he also lacks restraint, which brings komaeda to pushing himself up on the desk so that he can sit down, and his legs dangle — tips of his shoes brushing against the floor. )
They're doing... quite a fine job... ( he pauses, looking towards joshua. ) As for you...
They can help make up the games as well. If I were to wish it, that person could temporarily be in charge.
[Joshua sighs a little at the thought of Dito -- that feral, small child that he finds so interesting, but at times so infuriating.
he listens to the rest, pulling a desk over so that he can sit across from Komaeda, probably getting more up in his space than what would typically be normal. but the other never hesitated to get up in his space if needed, so...y'know.
Controlling people... it is a fun little game, to see everyone try and figure out the riddles. I wanted to see their hope too, are Conductors able to give that in their games? I saw you say you wanted to bring a piece of home here.
( but they can be real, and komaeda can accept if the terminology from hope came from him and his obssession, the way he frames it to joshua, how it's something he can understand being a protecter of shibuya with millions of people to watch over in his district. it'd make sense, actually, to want to see the people under his control not falter from despair, or feel threatened by the hurdles before them — how his city leads their life reflects him, doesn't it?
he doesn't seem like someone who'd allow them to just wallow in their mistakes. the thought brings a smile to his face, a hand raising to push locks of hair behind his ear. )
You've became... quite different lately, gained something special, haven't you?
( like he mentioned in the text awhile back, he could tell there was a convient change, and while he doesn't know what, he feels a small flicker. however one would gauge how much % joshua has until he's mastered all his powers again. he leans forward now, inspecting the other like he should see something visible, but it's just him not minding the close proximity of their space. )
Of course. The games can be flexible enough -- this is whole different playing field after all. Nothing like Shibuya...so it goes without saying that it could be a little different.
[Shinjuku's game is completely different, after all. not that he really agrees with it, but it's literally none of his business.
Shibuya, however, is. and now Yogen too, he supposes, even if it might take some time to get there. but it's not like his reign over Shibuya came up overnight, either.
Joshua moves away a bit, not because he's at all uncomfortable with the proximity to Komaeda, but he has to make a little bit of space. he reaches out in his mind, feeling the weight mentally of every item in the room. he could throw any of them at the blink of an eye...mostly.
but what he latches on to now is a jar of wisteria, and it floats from a table near the door into his outstretched hands. it still gives him a rush, the idea that some of his abilities are returning...]
I guess you can say that. It seems that one of my abilities decided to come back to me.
( each and every game from now on will be different, he understands that now, how a conductor will have to make do with what's available. the hope that could be found from playing just a simple little game, but komaeda smiles softly as he did watch how everyone played along to understand the whys and the hows. he'll give joshua credit by clapping his hands together, that's part of hope to see them work.
as the wisteria petals float across the room, komaeda's eyes blink as he watches it settle into the palm of joshua's hand, and that would make sense how a certain set of bodies made their way to a new location despite the amount of blood that was shed at the time. )
You moved them... Saihara-kun, and Kawaii-san. That piece of the puzzle was difficult to understand when I didn't understand the type of powers under your control, but...
( he'll slide off the table of where he sits, and instead he'll go close to josh to sit next to him if there's anymore room, and komaeda leans forward to look up at him. )
I know you didn't take part in killing them... ( he's silent for a moment, thinking as he remembers the expression on the other's face, and the way amami appeared when it came down to rika, and to see an ultimate like that... it's true, komaeda believes that despair brings hope, but induced despair without a chance to see hope fight back wears on the body. )
[he looks kind of amused, and a little bit cocky as Komaeda claps for him and speaks. it's not like he takes up much space on the desk, so if the other's fat ass can fit on it they can share it.
and then Komaeda's getting up in his space again. not that Joshua minds by now -- it kind of makes him remember the first time he'd done it, when he'd known him so much less well, and it had kind of unsettled him. but...he doesn't mind it so much now, and he'll even lean in a bit because he also likes to get in people's space.
...
it's a rarity, but at the mention of Dito, Josh's mouth turns down into a genuine frown. the wildcard. the rabid animal, that he needs to figure out how to control.
he glances down at the wisteria for just a moment, before making eye contact with the other again.]
Yes...my dog. [he had kind of factored that by nature, Dito would become a problem -- but he didn't think it would happen this quickly.] I got the wisteria in the beginning for him if I needed it. Without my abilities and only a gun, I figured I needed something as a backup to defend myself if need be.
[he pauses, his frown deepening.]
It seems...I may have to go to harsher methods if he doesn't compose himself.
It wasn't on your command for him to strike down Saihara-kun and Kawaii-san... he has too much freedom.
( he's not too pleased himself as he says this, looking off to the side at the paint on the walls, and there's actually nothing keeping his attention. even a conversation about dito is difficult when komaeda's not too proud of his antics, but he can hear the frown in joshua's speech as they converse. )
For him to kill an Ultimate is the greatest crime, ( for him cripple two in one blow, even more so, and the thought upsets komaeda greatly. it wasn't his place to do anything, and now it's a mess to have to clean up — it's a pain, he thinks, having the hope of the people he loves so much tampered with. then to have saihara taken in such a way, when komaeda wasn't done watching his hope, it feels... heavy. ) ...if he felt so inclined to the idea, he could have came for me instead like he did yesterday.
( finally looking away from the wall, his eyes fall into the petals of wistera, and if only komaeda could force them down dito's throat and slit his neck, it'd be an idea, but he smiles softly, and believes joshua can handle it instead. )
Dito-kun doesn't understand how sensitive hope is... your hard work, he's going to spoil it.
[now that he has some of his powers back, he feels a lot more confident if he were to end up in a fight with the boy. he's not so good at close combat, but between his gun and his telekinesis he feels relatively confident in his ability to defend himself. it'd been hard, feeling so utterly useless, only able to rely on his wits and the hope that no one would take him out while he was vulnerable.
it felt all too familiar, even though the feeling hadn't been there for so long.
but he blinks out of his thoughts, looking almost a little annoyed at Komaeda at the mention of him dying.]
Your willingness to throw yourself into danger for you to die...that's the thing I like about you the least. What did he do?
[damn bro
he's not even concerned about his hard work right now, he just wants to know what the fuck Dito did now.]
To see hope, I don't mind if I have to give my life to ensure it... that won't ever change.
( his willingness is all because hope needs that piece of him to survive, who knows, if he died, perhaps it would change everything for them. that's how much it means to him, and that's why his life means so little, especially to the ultimates who could ask for him to take his life, and he would do so if requested. it's not something he can apologize to joshua about, it's komaeda's way of life. )
It's fine... you don't have to like garbage like me.
( as if that being his way to reassure the other, but does komaeda how bad that may seem? no, to him, he's saying the truth about himself. )
I would have accepted if he attempted to kill me for helping the group find our culprits... but instead, he threw a temper tantrum... ( with a turn of his head, he looks back to joshua to read his expression better, and komaeda shrugs his shoulders to show much this bother him. not much, and a hand lifts to his chest to touch where the other tried. ) He lost at hangman, isn't that pretty pathetic of him?
[Joshua feels an almost uncontrollable twitch the more Komaeda talks about Dito. this person...this dog, is so out of control.
and Komaeda is...
he brushes one of the curls out of his face, as if that's a way to calm him down. before the Reapers Game he'd been a part of, it'd been a while since people have tried his patience in this way.
and then he came here.]
You're going to let that sort of person kill you? [he's thinking so damn much about Sho right now, and how they both deserved several cars dropped on them.] He's worth nothing.
[he doesn't sound mad really, just. firm and serious.]
If you're going to let someone kill you, at least have them be worthy of doing it. Your death wouldn't mean anything if someone that is below you were to do it.
[he'd let Neku kill him in a blink of an eye. had wanted it even, even if he hadn't quite expected for Neku to pull the trigger...that'd been someone worthy of killing him, he thinks.
...Do you think my life is worth a lot, Kiryu-kun?
( he asks, watching him now to tell that he isn't mad, but he probably doesn't like the topic of conversation. it's almost like he's more concerned on komaeda's behalf than anything, as if he's important enough to have a specific person kill him. it doesn't work like that, it works that if his death will help everyone else find hope, to obtain it more easily, then if he has to die by someone as pathetic as that... he'd accept it. )
I won't die a hopeless death as long as I live, but I'm as low as that dog of yours...
( as loathe as he is to admit it, komaeda is both scum and trash, he just has a more positive outlook for the group. yet, this isn't about him, and seeing joshua even bothered by this makes komaeda blink slightly confused. )
...Yet, he's acting on instinct and hardly using his brain, so maybe I'm a few steps ahead... but don't let him get under your skin. ( he reaches out, cold fingers pressed against the back of joshua's elbow to squeeze it lightly. ) If anything, don't let him ruin this hope you worked so hard to make.
[honestly, there's probably a little bit of what Komaeda's saying that hits home. when he'd been human, though he'd been good at most things that had been thrown at him, he knew he was nothing. he was treated like he was nothing, some kind of weird kid whose wins were overlooked by the fact that he seemed mentally ill to most.
he'd felt like nothing, who couldn't get past his own strangeness, so he had decided to give himself a metamorphosis. but even then, it'd been by his own hand, and not by someone like that. then, with sheer willpower and his own mind, he had been able to transcend to something much more powerful. he'd finally been worth something.
even though then it still wasn't quite enough for him. if it was, he wouldn't have given Neku the gun to erase his existence completely. he'd seen someone else who could surpass him completely...but he hadn't taken it. it makes him all the more fond of the boy but also sad whenever he thinks about it, because finally at least he was something to someone, even though he'd completely given up on the notion that it'd happen.
he's broken out of his thoughts when he feels Komaeda's touch on his elbow, and he glances down at it before he looks away again. he takes a deep breath, exhaling slowly through his nose to make himself refocus on the here and now.]
I've dealt with someone like him before. Chaos for chaos' sake, instead of trying to make something come out of it, is something that I'm afraid gets under my skin. People like that...I hate being on the defensive. Cleaning up after them.
[he'll drop several cars on them both if he has to.]
That said, I don't mind a little bit of chaos. If I didn't give others some sort of will, then it'd be boring to me. But those that can't be controlled at all, who thinks that their power can overcome mine...those are the ones that need to be reminded who's in charge.
[he could be talking about what he'd read in the morning paper, or the weather, for all the seriousness that's coming out of his mouth. but it's not reflected anymore in his tone, it becoming a lighter one the more he speaks about it.]
( when it comes to that worth, komaeda doesn't see it, but he's never expected himself be the one chosen over another — that's how low he is on the scale of things. it's with joshua that he's placed in a position where he could think about himself, the fake identity placing him on a pedestal of where he didn't belong, but more than anything to showcase hope. the note could have been written to mock him, maybe a homage to how hyde said something about "hopE is Ugly" or however it went — komaeda missed it, so with this little call to him, he takes it as positive as he could. anything that supports hope always has his attention, just like joshua does now.
that's why he does little things to reel the other back, make him stare at reality, and at what he's done. he doesn't despise him for his actions, though he is disappointed that he would handle an ultimate's body in that type of way, if anything, perhaps they deserved a more elegant position than what was given. at the thought of the two, he finds himself at a loss now, because he won't say they weren't part of the life he lived, and now they're gone. even if the sad expression komaeda wears makes him appear distant, he'll try his best to remain unblinking eye contact with the other. )
Despair is fine, no matter how out of control it gets, because hope will always overcome it... but it's such a shame... ( he frowns, looking off to the side for the moment as he tries to get himself together. his eyes remain empty though, and the only emotion comes from how quick his lips curve up, and then down, and then up again. without holding back, he opens his arms, wrapping them around joshua's neck to pull him closer so they can be face to face — noses almost brushing. he speaks softly so it's only heard between the two: )
Saihara-kun was someone I wanted you to meet... he's not a natural born leader, but he would have made the perfect Conductor from how you speak of them...
( as he thinks of rika, he pouts slightly, the young girl who always enabled his antics, the female that riled up the ground by her unhinged behavior. it was nice compared to those who would want to stand by and watch, she was someone who took action, and her little bit of hope showed how far she would go. now they're stuck with too many in stasis, that wait, watch and wonders. ) Kawaii-san that of a Reaper... hm... ( here, he smiles and his eyes close for a moment until they slowly open — the sickly pale green that once was is overshadowed by the blinding red, and maybe that's why komaeda pulled them so close so that if someone came in, no one would see. it's an off-putting feeling that wafts from him, some negativity, but not the brunt of it as he chuckles wryly. )
Dito-kun is hardly worth the effort, or the amount of attention you have... if you wanted, you could use your abilities to crush... ( he leans closer ) his... ( lips ghosting over the other's own ) throat... ( a pause ) playing on the offense isn't too bad, ( his cold fingers lightly brush against the nape of joshua's neck ) Kiryu-kun.
( after one more blink, his eyes open back to their regular shade, and komaeda pulls himself from joshua, and then pushes himself off the desk next. )
I want to see everyone's hope, though... we can't do that here...~
[the sudden proximity to Komaeda startles Josh a little, even if he tries to keep his face neutral. there's not many people who he'd let do that and tell the tale, but he finds himself wanting to listen to the importance of what the other's saying, close as they are physically right now.
then he does all of that, and it's an even rarer sort of surprise that makes Joshua's head blank out for a moment. but he still comprehends everything Komaeda says, even though he feels as if the intent is to distract him a little by the way that he's getting touched and the feelings of the other's lips brushing his is enough to give him a small chill.
but in the end, he feels like he's witnessed something interesting from the other. a little bit of crack in the façade that he keeps, noticing that what he should be feeling is more of an unsettling feeling right now.
but instead, as Komaeda backs away from him, he laughs. it starts as a giggle, and then a full out laugh for just a moment as he pushes himself off the desk as well. it's born out of sincerity and amusement -- even though most probably wouldn't have reacted this way at all.
neither one of them are "most people" though, which is why they get along so well.]
You never cease to be interesting to me...
[this person is completely opposite of the last that he'd found this interesting, and he steps lightly towards the door and puts his hands behind his back as he opens it. he doesn't think that Neku would like the company he keeps now...
but the company he keeps is entirely fitting, given the current world they're in.]
You're right. We've spent too much of our time on that dog. [the way that he's not even saying Dito's name rn] When we could be spectating what they're wrapping up with outside. Let's not let him impede us any further today, shall we?
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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...Akehoshi-kun is no good solving riddles alone, the tree is next.
( he says aloud, like he knows someone inside will answer. )
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That's the point. You've been so helpful so far...I figured they should figure it out for themselves for the last one.
[a beat]
When did you figure me out?
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( he sighs, a little saddened by the thought. his eyes remain on the floor, not even thinking to look in josh's direction before he turns around to grab the button maker like requested. )
That persona left traces of you, or well, you did that on purpose.
( he's looking over the few pins that shin has already made, and they appear to be in alright quality. he holds it up into the light, looking it over with a smile before setting it down on the table. )
...It's not like you did the murders, but you did take part in some way... did you have fun?
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[yeah, the hints were meant to be obvious...at least, for the people who knew him the best. not that many actually did here -- or anywhere, which is also doubly frustrating for other people involved.
he shrugs, smirking a little bit as he puts his hands in his pockets.]
I was looking to alleviate some boredom, and make things more like home. But as you already know, I don't have the people or abilities for that...yet.
[he's almost giddy with excitement because one of his powers has resurfaced this month.]
I suppose you can say it was fun.
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Have you found your Conductor and Reapers from this game? That's what this was about at the very start, right?
( something like back home, from what he recalls, it was about... that? finding people to work under him, and there was also the talk about hope.
he leans against the desk he's close to, hands behind his back as they press against the edge of it. )
Did you find it hopeful?
( he knows that joshua only asks questions, so normally it's best to ask some back for his thoughts on the matter. )
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[but that doesn't really deter him that much. finding people who would make good Reapers is difficult, even at home.
hmmmm...]
In a way. I think some things could be said about their attitudes towards these sorts of things...but I can't complain too much, because they're moving right along.
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( not being able to take part, but also not having the ability to help those who struggle — giving all the answers isn't fun, but watching them run around like headless chickens is even worse. fortunately, everyone seems to be taking part perfectly from what he sees, and he even checks his pda to see how it's fairing before sliding it back into his pocket. )
Dito-kun's your hound, isn't he? ( he takes from the book. ) He's hard to handle, though.
( which would make for a pretty good reaper, right? he lacks a good conscious, but he also lacks restraint, which brings komaeda to pushing himself up on the desk so that he can sit down, and his legs dangle — tips of his shoes brushing against the floor. )
They're doing... quite a fine job... ( he pauses, looking towards joshua. ) As for you...
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[Joshua sighs a little at the thought of Dito -- that feral, small child that he finds so interesting, but at times so infuriating.
he listens to the rest, pulling a desk over so that he can sit across from Komaeda, probably getting more up in his space than what would typically be normal. but the other never hesitated to get up in his space if needed, so...y'know.
he raises an eyebrow.]
And what about me?
[he's really curious on what Komaeda has to say.]
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( but they can be real, and komaeda can accept if the terminology from hope came from him and his obssession, the way he frames it to joshua, how it's something he can understand being a protecter of shibuya with millions of people to watch over in his district. it'd make sense, actually, to want to see the people under his control not falter from despair, or feel threatened by the hurdles before them — how his city leads their life reflects him, doesn't it?
he doesn't seem like someone who'd allow them to just wallow in their mistakes. the thought brings a smile to his face, a hand raising to push locks of hair behind his ear. )
You've became... quite different lately, gained something special, haven't you?
( like he mentioned in the text awhile back, he could tell there was a convient change, and while he doesn't know what, he feels a small flicker. however one would gauge how much % joshua has until he's mastered all his powers again. he leans forward now, inspecting the other like he should see something visible, but it's just him not minding the close proximity of their space. )
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[Shinjuku's game is completely different, after all. not that he really agrees with it, but it's literally none of his business.
Shibuya, however, is. and now Yogen too, he supposes, even if it might take some time to get there. but it's not like his reign over Shibuya came up overnight, either.
Joshua moves away a bit, not because he's at all uncomfortable with the proximity to Komaeda, but he has to make a little bit of space. he reaches out in his mind, feeling the weight mentally of every item in the room. he could throw any of them at the blink of an eye...mostly.
but what he latches on to now is a jar of wisteria, and it floats from a table near the door into his outstretched hands. it still gives him a rush, the idea that some of his abilities are returning...]
I guess you can say that. It seems that one of my abilities decided to come back to me.
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as the wisteria petals float across the room, komaeda's eyes blink as he watches it settle into the palm of joshua's hand, and that would make sense how a certain set of bodies made their way to a new location despite the amount of blood that was shed at the time. )
You moved them... Saihara-kun, and Kawaii-san. That piece of the puzzle was difficult to understand when I didn't understand the type of powers under your control, but...
( he'll slide off the table of where he sits, and instead he'll go close to josh to sit next to him if there's anymore room, and komaeda leans forward to look up at him. )
I know you didn't take part in killing them... ( he's silent for a moment, thinking as he remembers the expression on the other's face, and the way amami appeared when it came down to rika, and to see an ultimate like that... it's true, komaeda believes that despair brings hope, but induced despair without a chance to see hope fight back wears on the body. )
Control your dog, he's becoming rampant.
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[he looks kind of amused, and a little bit cocky as Komaeda claps for him and speaks. it's not like he takes up much space on the desk, so if the other's fat ass can fit on it they can share it.
and then Komaeda's getting up in his space again. not that Joshua minds by now -- it kind of makes him remember the first time he'd done it, when he'd known him so much less well, and it had kind of unsettled him. but...he doesn't mind it so much now, and he'll even lean in a bit because he also likes to get in people's space.
...
it's a rarity, but at the mention of Dito, Josh's mouth turns down into a genuine frown. the wildcard. the rabid animal, that he needs to figure out how to control.
he glances down at the wisteria for just a moment, before making eye contact with the other again.]
Yes...my dog. [he had kind of factored that by nature, Dito would become a problem -- but he didn't think it would happen this quickly.] I got the wisteria in the beginning for him if I needed it. Without my abilities and only a gun, I figured I needed something as a backup to defend myself if need be.
[he pauses, his frown deepening.]
It seems...I may have to go to harsher methods if he doesn't compose himself.
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( he's not too pleased himself as he says this, looking off to the side at the paint on the walls, and there's actually nothing keeping his attention. even a conversation about dito is difficult when komaeda's not too proud of his antics, but he can hear the frown in joshua's speech as they converse. )
For him to kill an Ultimate is the greatest crime, ( for him cripple two in one blow, even more so, and the thought upsets komaeda greatly. it wasn't his place to do anything, and now it's a mess to have to clean up — it's a pain, he thinks, having the hope of the people he loves so much tampered with. then to have saihara taken in such a way, when komaeda wasn't done watching his hope, it feels... heavy. ) ...if he felt so inclined to the idea, he could have came for me instead like he did yesterday.
( finally looking away from the wall, his eyes fall into the petals of wistera, and if only komaeda could force them down dito's throat and slit his neck, it'd be an idea, but he smiles softly, and believes joshua can handle it instead. )
Dito-kun doesn't understand how sensitive hope is... your hard work, he's going to spoil it.
( probably. )
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[now that he has some of his powers back, he feels a lot more confident if he were to end up in a fight with the boy. he's not so good at close combat, but between his gun and his telekinesis he feels relatively confident in his ability to defend himself. it'd been hard, feeling so utterly useless, only able to rely on his wits and the hope that no one would take him out while he was vulnerable.
it felt all too familiar, even though the feeling hadn't been there for so long.
but he blinks out of his thoughts, looking almost a little annoyed at Komaeda at the mention of him dying.]
Your willingness to throw yourself into danger for you to die...that's the thing I like about you the least. What did he do?
[damn bro
he's not even concerned about his hard work right now, he just wants to know what the fuck Dito did now.]
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( his willingness is all because hope needs that piece of him to survive, who knows, if he died, perhaps it would change everything for them. that's how much it means to him, and that's why his life means so little, especially to the ultimates who could ask for him to take his life, and he would do so if requested. it's not something he can apologize to joshua about, it's komaeda's way of life. )
It's fine... you don't have to like garbage like me.
( as if that being his way to reassure the other, but does komaeda how bad that may seem? no, to him, he's saying the truth about himself. )
I would have accepted if he attempted to kill me for helping the group find our culprits... but instead, he threw a temper tantrum... ( with a turn of his head, he looks back to joshua to read his expression better, and komaeda shrugs his shoulders to show much this bother him. not much, and a hand lifts to his chest to touch where the other tried. ) He lost at hangman, isn't that pretty pathetic of him?
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and Komaeda is...
he brushes one of the curls out of his face, as if that's a way to calm him down. before the Reapers Game he'd been a part of, it'd been a while since people have tried his patience in this way.
and then he came here.]
You're going to let that sort of person kill you? [he's thinking so damn much about Sho right now, and how they both deserved several cars dropped on them.] He's worth nothing.
[he doesn't sound mad really, just. firm and serious.]
If you're going to let someone kill you, at least have them be worthy of doing it. Your death wouldn't mean anything if someone that is below you were to do it.
[he'd let Neku kill him in a blink of an eye. had wanted it even, even if he hadn't quite expected for Neku to pull the trigger...that'd been someone worthy of killing him, he thinks.
no one here was like that.]
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( he asks, watching him now to tell that he isn't mad, but he probably doesn't like the topic of conversation. it's almost like he's more concerned on komaeda's behalf than anything, as if he's important enough to have a specific person kill him. it doesn't work like that, it works that if his death will help everyone else find hope, to obtain it more easily, then if he has to die by someone as pathetic as that... he'd accept it. )
I won't die a hopeless death as long as I live, but I'm as low as that dog of yours...
( as loathe as he is to admit it, komaeda is both scum and trash, he just has a more positive outlook for the group. yet, this isn't about him, and seeing joshua even bothered by this makes komaeda blink slightly confused. )
...Yet, he's acting on instinct and hardly using his brain, so maybe I'm a few steps ahead... but don't let him get under your skin. ( he reaches out, cold fingers pressed against the back of joshua's elbow to squeeze it lightly. ) If anything, don't let him ruin this hope you worked so hard to make.
( return the conversation back to what it was. )
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[honestly, there's probably a little bit of what Komaeda's saying that hits home. when he'd been human, though he'd been good at most things that had been thrown at him, he knew he was nothing. he was treated like he was nothing, some kind of weird kid whose wins were overlooked by the fact that he seemed mentally ill to most.
he'd felt like nothing, who couldn't get past his own strangeness, so he had decided to give himself a metamorphosis. but even then, it'd been by his own hand, and not by someone like that. then, with sheer willpower and his own mind, he had been able to transcend to something much more powerful. he'd finally been worth something.
even though then it still wasn't quite enough for him. if it was, he wouldn't have given Neku the gun to erase his existence completely. he'd seen someone else who could surpass him completely...but he hadn't taken it. it makes him all the more fond of the boy but also sad whenever he thinks about it, because finally at least he was something to someone, even though he'd completely given up on the notion that it'd happen.
he's broken out of his thoughts when he feels Komaeda's touch on his elbow, and he glances down at it before he looks away again. he takes a deep breath, exhaling slowly through his nose to make himself refocus on the here and now.]
I've dealt with someone like him before. Chaos for chaos' sake, instead of trying to make something come out of it, is something that I'm afraid gets under my skin. People like that...I hate being on the defensive. Cleaning up after them.
[he'll drop several cars on them both if he has to.]
That said, I don't mind a little bit of chaos. If I didn't give others some sort of will, then it'd be boring to me. But those that can't be controlled at all, who thinks that their power can overcome mine...those are the ones that need to be reminded who's in charge.
[he could be talking about what he'd read in the morning paper, or the weather, for all the seriousness that's coming out of his mouth. but it's not reflected anymore in his tone, it becoming a lighter one the more he speaks about it.]
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that's why he does little things to reel the other back, make him stare at reality, and at what he's done. he doesn't despise him for his actions, though he is disappointed that he would handle an ultimate's body in that type of way, if anything, perhaps they deserved a more elegant position than what was given. at the thought of the two, he finds himself at a loss now, because he won't say they weren't part of the life he lived, and now they're gone. even if the sad expression komaeda wears makes him appear distant, he'll try his best to remain unblinking eye contact with the other. )
Despair is fine, no matter how out of control it gets, because hope will always overcome it... but it's such a shame... ( he frowns, looking off to the side for the moment as he tries to get himself together. his eyes remain empty though, and the only emotion comes from how quick his lips curve up, and then down, and then up again. without holding back, he opens his arms, wrapping them around joshua's neck to pull him closer so they can be face to face — noses almost brushing. he speaks softly so it's only heard between the two: )
Saihara-kun was someone I wanted you to meet... he's not a natural born leader, but he would have made the perfect Conductor from how you speak of them...
( as he thinks of rika, he pouts slightly, the young girl who always enabled his antics, the female that riled up the ground by her unhinged behavior. it was nice compared to those who would want to stand by and watch, she was someone who took action, and her little bit of hope showed how far she would go. now they're stuck with too many in stasis, that wait, watch and wonders. ) Kawaii-san that of a Reaper... hm... ( here, he smiles and his eyes close for a moment until they slowly open — the sickly pale green that once was is overshadowed by the blinding red, and maybe that's why komaeda pulled them so close so that if someone came in, no one would see. it's an off-putting feeling that wafts from him, some negativity, but not the brunt of it as he chuckles wryly. )
Dito-kun is hardly worth the effort, or the amount of attention you have... if you wanted, you could use your abilities to crush... ( he leans closer ) his... ( lips ghosting over the other's own ) throat... ( a pause ) playing on the offense isn't too bad, ( his cold fingers lightly brush against the nape of joshua's neck ) Kiryu-kun.
( after one more blink, his eyes open back to their regular shade, and komaeda pulls himself from joshua, and then pushes himself off the desk next. )
I want to see everyone's hope, though... we can't do that here...~
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then he does all of that, and it's an even rarer sort of surprise that makes Joshua's head blank out for a moment. but he still comprehends everything Komaeda says, even though he feels as if the intent is to distract him a little by the way that he's getting touched and the feelings of the other's lips brushing his is enough to give him a small chill.
but in the end, he feels like he's witnessed something interesting from the other. a little bit of crack in the façade that he keeps, noticing that what he should be feeling is more of an unsettling feeling right now.
but instead, as Komaeda backs away from him, he laughs. it starts as a giggle, and then a full out laugh for just a moment as he pushes himself off the desk as well. it's born out of sincerity and amusement -- even though most probably wouldn't have reacted this way at all.
neither one of them are "most people" though, which is why they get along so well.]
You never cease to be interesting to me...
[this person is completely opposite of the last that he'd found this interesting, and he steps lightly towards the door and puts his hands behind his back as he opens it. he doesn't think that Neku would like the company he keeps now...
but the company he keeps is entirely fitting, given the current world they're in.]
You're right. We've spent too much of our time on that dog. [the way that he's not even saying Dito's name rn] When we could be spectating what they're wrapping up with outside. Let's not let him impede us any further today, shall we?